Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm really busy with my period
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