Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize