At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just cropdusted the office
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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