not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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