It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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