i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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