she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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