Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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