swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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