I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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