Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize