We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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