1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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