Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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