i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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