Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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