I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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