My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
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He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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