I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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