Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize