I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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