did you get engaged???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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