I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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