We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
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I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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