Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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