If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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