I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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