oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize