i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I supernannyed him into submission
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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