Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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