ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
