nut hugger
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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