There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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