do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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