just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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