so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize