I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize