i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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