watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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