Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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