We're like a lot better than the average bears
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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