You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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