so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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