drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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