i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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