Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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