I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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