Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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