cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize