walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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