he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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